Lonely
Yesterday was embarrassing. Might as well share it with everyone, right?
My day started off relatively well. Sam and I had some morning fun and then picked out a movie on netflix to watch. After the movie ended, he got dressed and packed his things to go to class. I lazily rolled around in bed, wrapping myself up in my favorite green blanket, breathing in the fresh scent of fabric softener. I didn’t have anything planned for the day because it was my Monday off, and usually I just catch up on cleaning and running errands. It dawned on me that I would be spending the entire day alone (something I’m not particularly fond of), and I came to realize that Sam and I haven’t gotten to hang out in a long time. We were having so much fun and it just plain sucked that it got cut short because he had to go to class.
I tried my very best to steady the waiver in my throat as I told him to have a good day, but Sam has a keen ear, and he caught on to my impending breakdown. I didn’t want him to see me upset. I don’t want him to think that I’m needy or weak, and I especially didn’t want to make him feel guilty. When he came into the bedroom asking what was wrong, I ended up crying about how much I missed him. He stayed with me for a few minutes while I calmed down, but I urged him to go to class. He shouldn’t skip because of my selfishness. We sat in silence for a few more moments and then I ushered him out the door. There is nothing that can be done about it, and I know it’s going to be like this for a long time.
Sam and I have had conflicting schedules for a while, so logic tells me I should just be used to it by now. Unfortunately, logic and emotions tend to be like oil and water. They simply don’t mix.
